How much sex is normal in a marriage Life?
Men and women have been made to feel bad about low libido or conversely, guilty that their high libido is putting pressure on their partner. Frequently we are told through various articles on the internet – or by those within our friendship group – how much sex is normal. You may have a married friend who boasts about sleeping with her hubby three times a week (with kids) while you barely ever have the energy for once a fortnight.
So, what’s right and what’s wrong when it comes to sex? When should we talk to our kids about the birds and the bees, and how should we tackle those sensitive sexual issues in your marriage?
As Matty reveals, you do so with an attitude that embraces all facets of sexuality to breakdown the taboos and barriers.
What is the normal amount of sex married couples should have?
If you were hoping for a number here, you’ll be disappointed. People are constantly searching for an answer to how much sex married couples should be aiming for per year. Other questions like ‘is sex once a month normal for married couples’ or ‘what is a normal sex drive for married couples’, are also among some of Matty’s frequently asked queries. In a nutshell: there is no magic number, it depends on your libido and your circumstances.
“There is no normal,” Matty shares. “It really depends on the couple.”
“If they like sex twice week fine, if they’re happy with twice a fortnight or twice a month? Also fine. It also depends on how long they’re together or if you have children. But, you have to look forward to it.”
If you are someone who places sex down the list of ‘things to do’, Matty says scheduling sex is key, and it won’t ruin the romance.
“How many chores do you have every day? Cleaning the house, doing the shopping, you know you can add another five or six chores to that list. And you know what’s always on the bottom of the list? Sex!
“So, you have to get that from the bottom of the list and sort of say ‘hey, it’s important’.”
Matty continued by offering this helpful insight: “Don’t wait until you go to bed, because when you go to bed, you’re tired. And most people like to go to bed at different times. Schedule in your time together.”
What to do if you or your partner has a low libido?
Low libido in men or low libido in women is completely normal, but where it can get tricky is if one person in the relationship has a high libido, while the other has a low one. Matty calls this a ‘desire discrepancy’, and it can be a tricky issue to navigate.
“The problem is when most people start a relationship, they want to have sex all the time, otherwise known as ‘the honeymoon phase’” Matty explains. “There’s a special name for this, it’s called ‘limerence’”.
“Then when the couple starts living together 24/7, they suddenly realise he or she has a much higher libido.”
Matty says that you can combat this problem by remembering sex isn’t the only way to be intimate with your partner, and if you have a low libido, you can stimulate and arouse your partner in other ways.
“You have to have the intimacy,” Matty starts.
“You can always just say tell your husband to masturbate instead or give them a quick handjob. You just have to keep the physical contact, the intimacy. But it doesn’t have to be a penis into the vagina.”
Matty says if you have a low libido not to worry, as she explains: “Do you like pizza? Yes. Do you like it every night? No.”
How should you broach the ‘sex talk’ with your children?
As all parents would know, this can be a particularly tricky (and sometimes mortifying) topic to broach with your kids, whether they be primary school age or teenagers. However, Matty insists normalising sex is healthy, and that it shouldn’t be treated as a ‘dirt’ topic.
“Don’t wait until they’re teenagers to have the sex talk,” Matty says.
“You start very early when they’re little. If your toddler starts playing with their penis or their vagina, parents shouldn’t say ‘don’t touch it, that’s dirty’.”
“Instead you say this – ‘You can play with your penis that’s fine, but it’s a private thing. Your penis and vagina are private things. You don’t let anybody touch them, if you touch them yourself that’s fine.
“But don’t do it in public.”